Change

Change
Becoming that which we are meant to be…
Takes time
Periods of darkness
Unknown
Perseverance

Growth
Inevitable
Slow and steady
Life changing
Subtle

Hope
Holding on with faith
Enjoying the ride
Embracing that which pains you
Stretching you to grow

Lift Up Your Voice!

Have you ever opened your mouth to speak and found that your voice was lost, perhaps buried deep inside. When I discovered I wanted to be a writer and a teacher I thought it would be impossible, because somewhere along the line, I lost my voice…as if it were choked right out of me. Yes, I could speak, order a pizza, answer simple questions, but my authentic voice, carrying my unique truth was covered with years of shame, fear, and self doubt. When that still small voice inside would try to eek its way to the surface, it was bombarded with the strength of a mighty army that bellowed within me; “SHUT UP!” this more powerful force thundered. It has taken years and loads of work to get to this time and space where I speak my personal truth with courage and invite others to do the same. It is not always easy, and sometimes it causes pain to myself or others. In the end, I am always glad that I did.

There is a fine line when learning to speak the truth with integrity. Many times I have spoken words I wish I could take back. It is like a life dance learning the rhythm and timing of when to speak and when to hold off and let time do its thing. One of the most influential tools which helped me to heal my broken voice would be morning pages. In Julia Cameron’s book, The Artist’s Way, she challenges you to wake up earlier every morning and spend about 15 minutes writing 3 pages in a standard sized notebook. This writing is not to be planned out or edited, but puked onto the page, or so it felt to me in the early stages. This was critical to my healing, because it “unsticks” the pipes. I was afraid to speak, because there was a lot of undiscovered junk at the top. When you have a safe place to vent and unload the goo at the surface, you find your truth has been buried underneath it all the while. When something is pressing on me, instead of getting into an argument, I am able to unload my jumbled thoughts onto a forgiving page. This process helped me to work through the layers of emotion to the core issue at hand. Suddenly, things become clearer and I am better able to articulate what I am feeling.
Now these pages have become a prayer space. That is not to say I am not still constantly working through the stuff that arises, but because I do it consistently, it doesn’t get tangled and stuck. Try it, you will like it!

In the bible, Jesus instructs us to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. This is demonstrated in thought, word, or deed. How are we using our words to show love? It also says in the book of James that we should be slow to speak, slow to anger, and quick to listen. One night, after bible study, I went away feeling terrible, because another woman and I did not see eye to eye. When I tried to articulate my point, she got all worked up and defensive, to the point of tears. That night, at home, I prayed that God would help me, and teach me the error of my way. This prayer led me to the book of James, where I read on to see the analogy of a tongue being like a tiny rudder on a mighty ship. Such a small part has great power to build or destroy. The tongue is also compared to a small spark which is capable of starting an entire forest on fire. I surrendered my tongue that night.
Shortly after, in anatomy training with Tias Little, I learned about right speech. In order for any word to pass through these lips, they must now pass through 3 gates. Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? This is very helpful, but a process nonetheless. I find myself countless times a day failing in this area. Getting back up on the horse, I persevere and pray that I will establish self control of the tongue.

Many times, it is not what I say, but how it is said, that causes the greatest offense. I was raised in a large family, and sarcasm then, was a survival skill. It no longer serves me, so like an old scarf; I choose to throw it away. My goal for my speech is only that which is true, kind and necessary, positive and helpful in building others up.
Great courage and strength are required on this journey. My voice which was broken is healed, but I feel as though I am on wobbly legs, moving forward. Practice is the best trick. If I can speak the truth with integrity, starting with the little things, it will transfer to the bigger more challenging issues that arise. Imagine a world in which every individual spoke the truth from a place of love.
In yoga, one of the yamas or moral restraints is ahimsa which translates – do no harm. This is quite a challenging ideal to live up to because our thoughts, words, and deeds have affects that ripple out beyond our limited awareness. My 13 year old son challenges me in this area countless times a day. After meditating and coming to a place of absolute peace and calm. I only need spend 10 minutes in the fire of his presence before I am re-acting and speaking from a place of hurt, frustration, and anger. After he walks out the door, I realize what I should have said and not said and how my tone was hurtful or condescending. We are called to be the light of the world regardless of how the people around us are behaving. My prayer, like that of St. Francis is, Lord, make me a channel of Your peace.

Martin Luther King Jr., in his 1958 “Experiment in Love” speech spoke these profound words : “It may well be that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition is not the glaring noisiness of the so-called bad people, but the appalling silence of the so-called good people.” Today, don’t miss an opportunity to lift up your voice for the good of all mankind. Say sorry, pass on a kind word, or confront injustice. Speak your truth with love courageously!