tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-59978409373134111802024-03-18T20:21:43.641-07:00Bending Toward the Lightyoga Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01704062169451503792noreply@blogger.comBlogger26125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5997840937313411180.post-42253436827257626992015-02-15T18:31:00.000-08:002015-02-15T18:31:09.186-08:00Love is...This week while teaching a kid’s yoga class, I asked them to check in with a response to the following: “My heart is filled with…” The responses were each precious: (peace, hope, joy, love, God, kindness…), but the one that stayed with me was EVERYTHING! Our work in practicing loving kindness is to embrace it all; the good and bad, happy and sad, and everything in between. As adults we are constantly judging, controlling, and trying to shape our world into a desired outcome, but kids are different. They are pure of heart, and so they are better able to accept what is. They are often our teachers, if we can soften enough to acknowledge their wisdom and brilliance. <br />
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The next day, I sat alone preparing for a pre-valentine’s girls night out. We were challenged by a dear friend who is a gifted teacher. She invited us to write a love letter to God. She gave us some questions to ponder: What do you Love about Him? Where have these qualities been palpable in your life? When does He make you feel most alive? I put the assignment off as long as I could. I tried to begin several times, but got distracted and pulled away in a million different directions. Then finally, an hour before I was being picked up, I reread all my brainstorms and half-finished love letters and wrote something worthy of bringing along. After spending time catching up, we read these precious love letters aloud. It was amazing to me the way that God’s love poured through these amazing women as they shared longing and desire, gratitude and awe. It was the perfect place of preparation for the real task which was to take that heart overflowing with love to the paper once again. This time she brought out beautiful stationary and sparkly hearts and asked us to write a love letter to our husband. It was a good challenge.<br />
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Writing comes pretty naturally to me, so I dove right in, but the real beauty came to me near the end of the letter, when I addressed the mystery and the goodness of God’s design. That he would take two young and very dysfunctional kids and bind us together in His perfect love. That he would use our stories of grief and shattered dreams to create a fairy tale. I was in awe as I looked back over our history together to see God’s perfect plan unfolding. It was in EVERYTHING… From the drunken teenagers sitting on my front porch sharing our stories of harm and our longing for more, to two 40 year old parents who are ready, willing, and able to grow up and be used for God. <br />
This Valentine’s weekend I am filled with Gratitude for God’s love that is everywhere. I am blown away to bear witness to it in my children, both when they are loving one another, and when they are torturing one another. Love is in all things. It is everywhere and it never fails!<br />
yoga Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01704062169451503792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5997840937313411180.post-78179171954394842792015-01-31T06:53:00.000-08:002015-01-31T06:53:08.761-08:00Silence in the Storm“Silence introduced in a society that worships noise is like the moon exposing the night. Behind darkness is our fear. Within silence our voice dwells. What is required from both is that we be still. We focus. We listen. We see and we hear. The unexpected emerges. The act of listening is the act of creating.” Terry Tempest Williams<br />
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In the silence your heart speaks, whispering truth. Press on, stay, just focus on today. The swirling world can swirl outside. Within your heart, a sanctuary. Dwell within the possibility. Leaning into mystery; a dark and scary place. Held by light within, don’t follow after fear. Breathe in and let the light grow big, it will guide you through the dark. With each exhale release a little bit. Surrender your control, you will not need it here. In the land where you are not the one who has to make the calls, you can find a little rest and begin to see through the fog. In the silence, it starts to clear and the break necking speed begins to slow. It feels like you are losing all control. You are! It was not meant for you in the first place. Do not outrun grace. Soften and allow the Spirit to guide you on the path that leads to life. When you are feeling like you are in a battle, close the door. Turn out the light. Begin again. The way to peace sounds simple, actually it is. But we are complex beings and are continually getting in the way. Our work is not that of putting on or learning some new trick. It is more about letting go and taking off the chains that bind.<br />
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Tell me what to do, and I will do it. Open up the door, I will walk through it. Just sit in the silence, until the storm clouds begin to lift. After the rain comes a rainbow, a beautiful gift. Soften to receive a thousand different hues, painted across your soul, creating a different view. Letting go of tension, blessings flow right in. Open hand, receiving… life begins to spin. From dark and dull and dreary to joy unspeakable. This is what you are meant for. <br />
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I believe this and have experienced it first hand and yet I wrestle. I tussle with God and go back to my old ways of fear and control countless times each day. I choose to hold within me conflict that I cannot control. I pick up packages of sorrow and let them pull me to the depths. I ride the waves of elation to the top of the highest peak and let the storms of life crash and break within me. I feel to the depths and the heights and am thankful that I do, but I crave the peace of stillness and imagine that you do too. Balance is an illusion just outside our reach, always keeping me striving and grasping for that perfect peace. The solution lies in non-doing, in laying the burden down. In trusting in God’s perfect plan that is unfolding right now. I always want to see more than the moment will reveal. And yet the work is returning to that which is within my view. Drinking it in like a cold tall glass of water. My soul is quenched. Gratitude clears away the insatiable need for more. It is and so be it. Amen<br />
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“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Jesus Christ took hold of me.” Phil 3:12<br />
yoga Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01704062169451503792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5997840937313411180.post-22403118089954335642015-01-11T13:03:00.000-08:002015-01-11T13:03:00.060-08:00Wake up!Have you ever been caught walking in your sleep? When I was young I climbed out of bed and made a b-line for the front door. Luckily the door was locked and my parents were sitting in the living room and able to re-direct me back to bed. Consider the harm that can be done if we walk around sleeping, and yet metaphorically many of us do.<br />
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Sometimes I find myself driving completely engrossed in thought. It is as if I am on autopilot. There is no presence of mind, only going through the motions. I do relationships like this sometimes too. If I am not careful, I can catch myself checked out and cut off from Spirit and the sweetness of the moment. This is not the way I want to live, so it is my intention to be awake and integrated as I engage with what is all around me and also with what is within. When I consider the why, I think a lot of it has to do with a lack of awareness and also an effort to self-protect. If I keep my heart guarded and tucked safely away it can’t get harmed. Unfortunately, it can’t experience the fullness of joy that was intended for it either. There are countless ways that we can choose to numb out or keep ourselves from full waking consciousness, and our culture encourages it through the constant connection to technology and insane speed. <br />
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We can choose to walk intentionally as children of the light in the little and big choices we make each day. One way I have decided to move toward the light is to wake up earlier, so that the first fruits of my day are given to God. I love to sleep, so when the alarm sounds at 5 a.m. I often hit snooze (repeatedly), sleeping away the most life giving hour of the day. Then I get catapulted into mom mode. On these days I feel robbed and frustrated with myself. One way that I have been trying to encourage myself to wake up is by setting my intention before I go to bed. I read these words by Rumi as a reminder. “The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you. Don’t go back to sleep. You must ask for what you really want. Don’t go back to sleep.” When the alarm sounds, I stir in wonder and arise to see if I can grab hold of these secrets as I decide what I really want on this new and glorious day.<br />
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If we begin and end each day with intentionality and presence of mind, everything in the middle is sure to fall into place. At the end of the day I like to practice daily examen. It is a way of reviewing and “tucking in” the day and laying it down before God. This is an ancient Ignatian practice in which we reflect on the day’s events to look for the fingerprints of God and also to inquire and discern his direction going forward. It is an act of surrender. “Lord, I give you this day and I thank you for the specific ways that I noticed your presence moving in my life.” One invaluable tool I have found is called “Reviewing my Days Map” from the Listen to my Life curriculum. You can find it at onelifemaps.com. <br />
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The in between part of the day is often mundane. You go to work, or do the laundry, cook and clean, pretend you are a taxi. How do I do this daily work in a way that is pleasing to God? It is all in the attitude of my heart. When I anchor myself in the Light and Love of God in the morning I feel filled and focused. From there, it is all about gratitude, wonder and awe. I am thankful for another day to do what I am called to do. To love people and God, to pray without ceasing and to walk humbly in the Light. “This is why it is said: Wake up sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.” Ephesians 5:14<br />
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yoga Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01704062169451503792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5997840937313411180.post-87733847298741604402015-01-01T11:37:00.001-08:002015-01-01T11:37:45.175-08:00Begin Again I love new beginnings… a new journal, flipping the page on the calendar to a new week, month, and year. Beginnings symbolize a clean slate and a chance to hit reset. To let go of past mistakes and failures and set your eyes on something on the horizon. New Year’s Day is the ultimate new beginning. The whole world pauses in anticipation, teetering in the in between space where change takes place. We gather, celebrate, and count down the minutes. We acknowledge the growth, and notice how far we have come. We count our blessings and bear witness to all of the challenges and obstacles we have hurdled. Together we stand firm in our resolve. We declare before God and man that this year will be different. We jump out of the gate like a stallion, strong and ready for whatever this year brings. We promise to be better, to do more, and to stay the course. Somewhere along the line we lose sight of our vision and become passive, we grow weary. We get a taste of failure and start to over identify with that. <br />
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For this reason, I don’t like to set goals. Every time I miss the mark, I fall into a pit of despair. I believe the lies and the voice of mockery takes me out at the knees. It happened earlier this month when the pressure and demands of the holidays caused me to miss a blog. My goal was weekly publication and after I missed one week I quickly threw in the towel. One week turned to one month and the message of self-harm and mockery swelled within me. So today, I stand on this first day of a new year and commit myself again to try and put one blog post out each week. I also commit to return to grace sooner. I just found a scrap of paper that I wrote on earlier this month. It says, the truth is life happens, and I am in need of grace, gentleness, and self-care. I will find faith in a process that is different than what I know. I am committed to grow! <br />
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New beginnings are about surrender. As we release our grip and soften, grace happens. The Spirit and power of God begin to flow freely into and through our lives. We start to live life that is truly life. Richard Miller is a psychologist, author, and yogic scholar. He invites us all to return to grace. He wrote “In every moment we begin again, we accept and surrender. As we deepen our understanding and let our truth unfold we pave the way for healing and transformation.” This is in alignment with the truth of scripture. It lines up with the promise that we can join God on the road to transformation, but it is a moment by moment process. We want to be transformed quickly and completely. We are an instant gratification culture. We prefer a cleaning crew to come into our house so that the whole thing is clean at the same time. If we do room by room, corner by corner, we never feel the joy of completion. This process is the reality that we are called to live into. In Romans 12:2 it says “Do not conform any longer to the patters of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is, His good, pleasing and perfect will.” <br />
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This year is the year of the Lord’s favor! It is an invitation to soften and surrender and return to the flow of grace. Every time you find yourself falling short of your goals and desires, please consider this invitation to be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Begin again and again and again… all is grace!<br />
yoga Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01704062169451503792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5997840937313411180.post-79608520405950285112014-12-06T21:36:00.000-08:002014-12-06T21:36:58.036-08:00Nana's Love I love to be invited! I remember meeting my oldest brother Bill’s soon to be mother in law for the first time when I was seven years old. Her eyes were filled with delight in my presence. She had been many years without little ones in the house and she was a caregiver by nature. After our brief encounter when we stopped at her house to pick Vicky up for a family wedding, she invited me to come back another time and spend the night or weekend with her. I accepted the invite with great anticipation. I was chosen!<br />
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When I showed up at her house one warm summer afternoon, I was so nervous. Then I caught a glimpse of her radiant smile! That sweet Italian face shone like the sun through her window pane and her tiny frame seemed to whisper come and play with me. She had been looking out the window and waiting for me like when you order something online and run to the window every time a brown truck comes near. She was expectant. She hustled to the door and bubbled over with excitement that I had finally come. She took my face in both hands and kissed me on both cheeks. She gave me a warm hug and said “Oh Jeannie, I am so glad you are here!” She meant it. She proceeded to share her plan and hopes for our time together. She began by asking, “What do you want to make for dinner?” I had no idea what to suggest, having never been invited in to the planning and preparation of meals. She said with great joy, “I will just have to surprise you.” I like being surprised maybe even more than being invited! <br />
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We went to the grocery store and the whole trip revolved around my desire. Nana awakened my desire and opened my eyes and heart to a banquet. She cared for and treated me like I was a princess. She took such pleasure in walking me through the grocery store and helping me discover what was good and pleasing to my tender and unsure heart. I fell in love with food while with her. The vibrant rainbow of colors, the rich and mouth-watering smells, the textures of the foods as we washed and prepared, and the sound of the chopping all helped to awaken my desire. And then, the feast… we had a 5 course meal on a regular Wednesday night. I am so thankful for that visit and the start of a relationship with such an amazingly loving bearer of Light.<br />
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Reflecting back on Nana, it is evident that she was an angel on my path. One of the many bright lights that were placed along my journey to whisper a truer truth than the lie I was believing that I was “too much.” Nana adored me. Her love was just like Christ’s. There was nothing that I needed to do to earn her love. It was simply and lavishly given. There was nothing that I could do that would kick me out of that place of favor and delight that she had placed me in. There was nothing I could do that would make her love me less. What a rich blessing it is to be chosen, set apart, and loved lavishly. In the Bible it says “See what great love the father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!” 1John3:1<br />
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Nana passed from this world and as I remember her today, I give thanks for the legacy of love that she left the world with. Her kindness and radiant presence of care and nurture live on in my heart like a treasure. I wonder if you can take some time during this holiday season to remember with reverence and celebrate someone who has reached into your heart and touched your life for the better.<br />
yoga Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01704062169451503792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5997840937313411180.post-25707171140529974642014-11-28T13:56:00.000-08:002014-11-28T13:56:51.972-08:00The Table
Our table was passed down to us from my brother Mike. It was made by hand and with great care by the Amish. It holds love. It has seen two families grow and has taken a beating to prove it. It is covered with cloth to hide the scars and marks of wear and tear; colors and textures of love. It is a sacred place where we stop the rushing and we sit together. We turn our faces toward and we break bread. We hold hands and we give thanks. At our table we do life; the messy and the beautiful, the highs and the lows. We take time to be filled, seen, and known. Our table is a holy space. We are grateful!
Kevin and I went to a marriage class at our church when we hit a rough patch. One week the teaching centered around the table. They taught about how the family table you grew around influences your current family table. They addressed the relational brokenness that each person brings into their marriage and to the table. In order to have a healthy table we each need to acknowledge and work through past pain and brokenness so that we can give and receive love in a healthy way. This is the journey…
My childhood table didn’t really exist. It was there physically, but it did not represent the space of connection and intimacy that my soul longed for. Since my mom worked 3-11, she would prepare food and leave it on the stove. We each would come and go as we chose and there was much movement away from. When people would sit at the table, they were often doing other things than connecting. The TV was almost always on and for me it was a lonely place. My dad ate in the other room by choice. He watched the news and wanted to be left alone. He ate at a TV table and then played solitaire or space armada. I often wondered why in a home with so many people I felt so all alone most of the time. To my marriage I brought longing and desire for intimacy and connection in an almost desperate measure.
Kevin’s table looked like my dad’s. It was a TV table where he would sit alone and eat a microwave TV dinner. He lived with his mom who was mostly absent. He cannot remember a single meal where he was invited to sit at the table and share a meal and some connection. To the marriage table Kevin brought a desire for a new beginning. A hope to create a new family tree. He brought an excitement of what could be different if two people turned toward one another with love. Gary Thomas wrote, “We receive, celebrate, and live in God’s love; we pass on that love to our children, and we teach them to love God and others. We are born to love, redeemed by love, carried by love, and called to love.”
When we sit together around our table today, I cannot help but give thanks to our good God who has helped to restore our hearts and redeem our stories so that two lonely and broken kids were grown into a family of love and connection through God’s grace and the power of His spirit living and active in each of our hearts. We are a work in progress, and always have room to grow, but I celebrate how far we have come. My kids still mock and tease one another around the table. We get short and snappy with them too. We are constantly in need of grace and forgiveness, but we are fighting the good fight. We have declared together and before God that this family that he has blessed us with matters. We are determined to love and guide them and call them to the table. We are going to say no to the patterns of business and striving of the world as much as we are able so that we have more holy moments around our messy and beautiful table. We are grateful!
yoga Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01704062169451503792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5997840937313411180.post-39158057850077141012014-11-22T06:03:00.004-08:002014-11-22T06:04:13.552-08:00 The Truest Truth
I used to think that if people knew the truth about me, the whole truth, they would run away. What I have instead discovered is that the more I tell the truth, the more others are drawn in. As I learn to love and have compassion for myself, others are invited in to do the same. So as I tell my story with great care and compassion, I live more authentically and effortlessly. People want to be in the presence of truth, even if it is imperfect and messy.
When I was young I learned slowly and differently. I had a hard time focusing and auditorily processing information. If I were in school today, I would definitely be labeled with special needs. I didn’t know I had a learning difficulty all I knew was that what appeared to be simple for those around me was excruciatingly difficult to me. I began to believe a lie that I was stupid. Living with this false image created boat loads of suffering. Trying to measure up and be what I was not only led to pain. It has just been over the past few years that I have begun to see clearly and celebrate my unique learning style and giftedness. Learning to believe a truer truth when you have believed a lie for so long is a process and it takes commitment. The second yama or practice of taking off the old on the 8 limb path of yoga is satya; which translates as a commitment to the truth. The truth they are referring to in the unchangeable truth. It is not about what you think or do, but about who you are at the core or your being.
Our true identity simply boils down to who we are at the core. Yoga identifies the root cause of suffering as avidya or spiritual ignorance. We suffer because we forget who we really are. It is a sad case of mistaken identity. My work with truthfulness or Satya has to do with remembering and returning. You are not the sum of your thoughts, you are not your mistakes or what other people think of you. You are a reflection of God. You are a bearer of Light who has been called to bring light to the world. When I remember this truth everything else seems pretty insignificant.
Is says in scripture “You will know the TRUTH and the truth will set you free.” John 8:23
There is such great freedom in knowing who you really are. It has been a long process of shedding skin that is ill fitting to get to a place where I can stand naked and unashamed of who I am. As you peel away the wintery layers you have used to protect and hide you for so long, it takes great courage to stand firm in a new and truer truth. From this place of integration it is pure delight to step forward and follow your heart toward what your true calling and purpose is in this world.
The process is filled with grief at times because the people around you may not like the change and they may drop away, but it is so incredibly liberating to Be authentically who you are that it doesn’t matter all that much. You will begin to find yourself surrounded by people who appreciate and celebrate all of you. This is a precious gift. It is like stepping back into a flow of Spirit that has been there all along.
In the yoga sutras it says “For those grounded in truthfulness every action and its consequence are imbued with truth.” This process of grounding into the truth of who you are is a choice to notice the times you are exhausted and running around in circles to measure up, be still and remember the truth and begin again… It is invitation to return to grace and compassion, curiosity and great care for yourself and those around you.
Today, may you live your truth from the inside out. May the Light of Christ swell within you and radiate out of every cell of your being. May you experience the profound peace and freedom that comes with being authentic. Jesus said, “You are the Light of the world…”
GO SHINE!
yoga Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01704062169451503792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5997840937313411180.post-15129488870138556302014-11-11T11:37:00.002-08:002014-11-11T11:37:37.498-08:00Let Peace Begin With Me : Ahimsa
I went to catholic schools from 1-12 grade. My favorite parts of being in church was the stillness, the ritual and the music. I didn’t feel the presence of God in the teaching, in the action of the nuns, or the preaching from the pulpit. I felt God’s love pouring through the stained glass window like a rainbow of warm sunlight just for me. I didn’t even listen to the priest because they were not preaching from a place of humility and love. They were fire and brim stone. They reminded me of the Pharisees or religious scholars from Jesus’ day. They were not like Jesus. I have been meditating, pontificating, studying and praying about ahimsa. Today I awoke with a song from my childhood : “Let peace begin with me! Let this be the moment, NOW. With every step I take, let this be my solemn vow. With God as our Father, children all are we. Let us walk with each other, in perfect harmony.” This is Ahimsa! It is universal peace, love and harmony.
This is a lofty goal, but definitely one worth practicing and aiming for. Sometimes we feel powerless in a world that has so much chaos and violence. We don’t even need to look beyond the four walls of our homes to see real life suffering. We can look within our own being and get overwhelmed with pain in that space alone. I believe that is just the place to begin. “Let peace begin with me! Let this be the moment NOW” If each human being stopped reaching for the speck in their brothers eye and returned to the plank in their own eye we would begin to move in the right direction. For as hard and long as I have tried, I have never been able to control another human being. I can teach them, love them, shape and guide them, provide for them, but I cannot control them because they have their own perfect plan unfolding. Every time I think I can or try to control them I slip into a role of trying to play God. Those are shoes I don’t want to and am not equipped to fill and so I practice surrender and love. This is Ahimsa.
In Sanskrit the word ahimsa means non-violence or non-harming. In the yoga sutras, Patanjali writes that “Being firmly grounded in nonviolence creates an atmosphere in which others can let go of their hostility.” This practice begins with awareness. It is very important to be able to look at yourself through the eyes of compassion. Many times you are doing harm to yourself in the critical thoughts and attitudes of the mind. As I write these words, my son applies pressure to me to release him from his grounding. Would the non-violent thing to do be let him fly free or give him an opportunity to suffer a consequence for a poor choice so that in the future he will be protected from more harm? There are two sides to every story and two halves to every whole, but I think the glass is half full and all the world needs now is love sweet love. Love comes in the form of discipline at times and as grace and mercy at other times. The most important thing in each moment is to speak the truth in love. Much of my work in regards to ahimsa is holding my tongue. I vent more than I like to admit. For me, it is just alleviating my pent up frustration, but it is negativity and it is not necessary most of the time. I practice ahimsa by recognizing my own sin nature and doing my best in each moment to release what is not love to God and return to love. I do this with my breath all the time. When I feel anger or frustration rising in me. I breathe in the light of Christ and allow the expansion to fill me completely. I pause in the fullness of his presence. On the exhale I surrender and release what ever is causing harm. I empty completely. I pause and rest in the complete nothingness and trust that I am held in the almighty hand of a good, powerful, and loving God who is in control. I breathe in the light! I breathe out and let go… This is ahimsa!
Many times I end my yoga classes by re-committing myself to speaking my own personal truth. Only that which is true, kind and necessary. What if every word you spoke today had to pass through those 3 filters? I think you would cause less harm to the people who you are in community with. What if every thought you thought today had to be true, kind, and necessary? You would dismiss so much mental chatter that you might actually begin to feel the peace that was intended for you. What if you could only do today what was true, kind, and necessary? You would find a rhythm that would radically eliminate busyness and striving and you would return to a deep sense of inner strength and power. This is ahimsa.
In our practice of ahimsa, we must be gentle with ourselves. It is easy to beat yourself up for your imperfection in striving to attain this lofty ideal. A practice is something that you do every moment of every day. It is a process that will last a lifetime. There is no beginning or end, only moments in which to notice if you are abiding in love and peace or not. If not, begin again, and lovingly return. Develop compassion and love for yourself today. You are perfectly in progress! You will only begin to love others around you well when you have been loved well. Love yourself today. This is ahimsa.
When we practice ahimsa we begin to address ourselves with compassion, curiosity and care. We start to notice the subtle ways we are being violent or harmful with ourselves. As we pay attention and start to feel self-love we begin to heal and move toward integration and peace. From this place of integration we begin to allow this light and love to ripple forward into all that we do. According to B.K.S. Iyengar, “with practice of ahimsa one rises above anger, hatred, aggression, fear, jealousy, resentment, envy, and attachment. With perfection of ahimsa one realizes the unity and oneness of all life and attains universal love, peace, and harmony.” This is my hope for our world. That through the peace in each individual heart we can become rooted, established, and connected in LOVE!
yoga Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01704062169451503792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5997840937313411180.post-5291043551126036082012-01-02T10:48:00.000-08:002012-01-02T11:43:08.748-08:00Begin Again....There is something so refreshing about a clean slate! Every morning we get the chance to wipe away the mistakes and frustrations of yesterday and begin again. There are some nights when I fall on my bed so defeated and heavy laden. I go to bed to escape the wickedness of me. I fear opening my mouth one more time for the anger and rage and fire that seeps from the recesses of my soul. It is hard to admit this, but just ask my sweet children. They know the exact combination of buttons to press in combination with the hormones in me and external stress that together create the perfect storm. These are the days that I must humble myself before God, my family, and anyone else who I may have offended, and ask forgiveness. As hard as it is to admit my weakness, I think it is necessary to illustrate the goodness of God's promise. In Lamentations 3:22-23 it says: "The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness." Every morning we have a chance to begin again. We can choose again to invite God's lovingkindness and compassion to enter into the hard to reach spaces; allowing His grace to make all things new.<br /> <br /> At the start of a new year, it is an invitation to wipe away the old and begin again. Create space and invite more of the new to enter in. Lamentations goes on to say in 3:40 "Let us examine and probe our ways, and let us return to the Lord." So at the end of a day, year, or chapter of your life, take some time to reflect, examine, probe and name that which you wish to release. As we grow spiritually, we outgrow behaviors and patterns that may have been handed down for generations. Let us all make a list of things that no longer serve us. Begin again! Flip the paper over, return to the Lord! Set an intention to walk with Him into this new day, year, or season.<br /><br /> "In every moment we begin again. We accept, and surrender. As we deepen our understanding and let our truth unfold, we pave the way to healing and transformation." Richard Milleryoga Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01704062169451503792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5997840937313411180.post-34695312687903184102011-12-03T10:50:00.000-08:002011-12-03T17:44:30.314-08:00Enough!I have written a lot about this word, mostly in regard to contentment. Today this word fell fresh upon my soul. We had a celebration to wrap up a Woman's Bible Study on the book: <em>The Good and Beautiful God</em> by: James Bryan Smith. We stood and worshipped as a group in awe of our amazing God. The worship leaders sang over and over "You are beautiful!" It poured down in the sweetness of the music like rain in a desert. When they went on to sing, "I want to hear You say that I am enough," my tears began to flow freely. <br /><br />One of the key lessons of the book is about replacing "false narratives" with "true narratives." This is a process of spiritual transformation in which we choose to let go of false beliefs about ourselves, God, and others, and welcome in the truth found in scripture. Over the past few years and through the process of this study, I have been working to release the feeling of being "less than." Instead, I receive and breathe in the truth "you are a beloved daughter of the Most High God." It is one thing to understand an idea in your head, and an entirely different thing to embody a belief. I have known this truth for several years, but in that moment of worship, something deeply broken and wounded in me was healed. The music was a spiritual pathway in which the truth of who God is settled into the cracks and crevices of me. I am eternally grateful!<br /><br />We went around the circle and shared a word or truth that summed up the study. I chose "enough." In the past, that word evoked a strong negative emotion, and feelings of impatience and frustration. I would demand “suck it up and move on, already!” to the small wounded child within me. The new meaning the word took on was "IT IS FINISHED!"<br /><br />The old story was made new within the context of the gospel and the work Jesus did on the cross. The slate has been cleared and finally I got it! My heart was filled with pure love, and a sweet sound whisperd in to the hardest to reach spaces…YOU are enough! This new narrative reveals the goodness and tender ways of God. Our God is a God who cares enough to cradle the weak and wounded into wholeness.<br /><br />If every person received this truth deep into the depths of their souls, the world would be a better place. There would be no more striving and throat cutting to get the upper leg. We could all relax into a space of acceptance and love...a trusting place where we know and understand that we are ENOUGH because of what God did. It would feel like heaven on earth if we practiced less comparison, and more understanding. It is enough to be on a journey, stepping one foot in front of the other. YOU are enough because you were born!yoga Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01704062169451503792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5997840937313411180.post-52982389398962961262011-11-29T23:24:00.000-08:002011-11-29T23:38:12.197-08:00BeamWhen I went on my Kairos retreat my senior year of High School, I received letters of affirmation from people who loved me. The one that made me sob then and still echoes into my soul are the words from my Beloved Mother. My nickname has always been Bean..Jean Bean...String Bean...Beaner Bop...and many other variations of this lovely gassy substance.<br /><br />The part of my mom's letter that sunk in was when she wrote "I should've named you Beam instead of Bean because you shine so bright!" This truth that my mom planted in me before I had the courage to believe it or the self-love to receive it, echoes like a lullabye in my soul. It whispers "Girl, you shine!" when I feel like a failure. It sparkles deep within me and invites my soul to dance. To bask in the light that is so obviously there. To embrace what is. To accept Truth at face value. To receive and be set free. Why is it so hard to do?<br /><br />Jesus states "You are the light of the world!" Who me? Yes YOU! His message is for YOU. In fact if YOU were the only person left on planet Earth, He would have come and died just for YOU! He loves YOU that much! Drink it in, bask in it...SHINE ON!yoga Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01704062169451503792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5997840937313411180.post-29744299485928816122011-11-20T09:27:00.000-08:002011-11-20T09:53:40.785-08:00Strength and Surrender"Yoga is 50% strength and 50% surrender." Equal parts of each lead you to the sweet spot of "right effort." In the Yoga Sutras, Patanjali states "By the relaxation of effort in the pose, one merges with the infinite inside." All that we do on the mat with the postures is for a greater cause, that we may carry the practice into the world. During this posture or season of life of raising four children I have found many opportunities to practice surrendering to the middle ground of right effort. In times when everything in me shouts "push through" something deeper whispers "soften, feel, notice, surrender." This still small voice knows the way! I choose to surrender once again this morning.<br /><br /> It takes the practice and returning to this place called right effort again and again to change the patterns of behavior that make up who we are in the world. When we do or strive toward a goal which society praises we fall away from the deeply embedded truth of who we are, the infinite inside. And sometimes we must reach beyond our limits and fall flat on our faces before we even know where the edges lie. I used to get so frustrated with myself when I would overextend myself and fall out of balance. Instead, I am coming into a new season of grace and acceptance. Trusting an inner wisdom, that when things seem too chaotic, they are. So we draw back, turn inward, and breathe. Soften into the moment and know. Begin again! Just for today, in each moment can I find that place of right effort? It is a middle ground, a place where the pairs of opposites meet and do a sacred dance. The space between doing and yielding,action and rest, digging in and letting go. We experience this by committing ourselves to each moment and the daily tasks we are called to do. Can I commit for just today to be fully present for my children, and all the tasks that are required to keep my household in balance? Can I be present enough to lock eyes and connect to each person this day brings in my path? I will try! When I fall short, I will begin again. I like to end my yoga classes with a quote by a meditation teacher, Richard Miller: "In every moment we begin again, we accept and surrender. As we deepen our understanding and let our truth unfold, we pave the way for healing and transformation." <br /><br /> May it ever be so!yoga Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01704062169451503792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5997840937313411180.post-30340949213598075982011-06-06T12:21:00.000-07:002011-06-06T12:22:13.119-07:00Change<em>Change<br /> Becoming that which we are meant to be…<br /> Takes time<br /> Periods of darkness<br /> Unknown<br /> Perseverance<br /><br />Growth<br /> Inevitable<br /> Slow and steady<br /> Life changing<br /> Subtle<br /><br />Hope<br /> Holding on with faith<br /> Enjoying the ride<br /> Embracing that which pains you<br /> Stretching you to grow</em>yoga Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01704062169451503792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5997840937313411180.post-71788211614802605982011-06-05T05:11:00.000-07:002011-06-05T05:15:22.367-07:00Lift Up Your Voice!Have you ever opened your mouth to speak and found that your voice was lost, perhaps buried deep inside. When I discovered I wanted to be a writer and a teacher I thought it would be impossible, because somewhere along the line, I lost my voice…as if it were choked right out of me. Yes, I could speak, order a pizza, answer simple questions, but my authentic voice, carrying my unique truth was covered with years of shame, fear, and self doubt. When that still small voice inside would try to eek its way to the surface, it was bombarded with the strength of a mighty army that bellowed within me; “SHUT UP!” this more powerful force thundered. It has taken years and loads of work to get to this time and space where I speak my personal truth with courage and invite others to do the same. It is not always easy, and sometimes it causes pain to myself or others. In the end, I am always glad that I did.<br /><br /> There is a fine line when learning to speak the truth with integrity. Many times I have spoken words I wish I could take back. It is like a life dance learning the rhythm and timing of when to speak and when to hold off and let time do its thing. One of the most influential tools which helped me to heal my broken voice would be morning pages. In Julia Cameron’s book, The Artist’s Way, she challenges you to wake up earlier every morning and spend about 15 minutes writing 3 pages in a standard sized notebook. This writing is not to be planned out or edited, but puked onto the page, or so it felt to me in the early stages. This was critical to my healing, because it “unsticks” the pipes. I was afraid to speak, because there was a lot of undiscovered junk at the top. When you have a safe place to vent and unload the goo at the surface, you find your truth has been buried underneath it all the while. When something is pressing on me, instead of getting into an argument, I am able to unload my jumbled thoughts onto a forgiving page. This process helped me to work through the layers of emotion to the core issue at hand. Suddenly, things become clearer and I am better able to articulate what I am feeling.<br />Now these pages have become a prayer space. That is not to say I am not still constantly working through the stuff that arises, but because I do it consistently, it doesn’t get tangled and stuck. Try it, you will like it!<br /><br /> In the bible, Jesus instructs us to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. This is demonstrated in thought, word, or deed. How are we using our words to show love? It also says in the book of James that we should be slow to speak, slow to anger, and quick to listen. One night, after bible study, I went away feeling terrible, because another woman and I did not see eye to eye. When I tried to articulate my point, she got all worked up and defensive, to the point of tears. That night, at home, I prayed that God would help me, and teach me the error of my way. This prayer led me to the book of James, where I read on to see the analogy of a tongue being like a tiny rudder on a mighty ship. Such a small part has great power to build or destroy. The tongue is also compared to a small spark which is capable of starting an entire forest on fire. I surrendered my tongue that night. <br />Shortly after, in anatomy training with Tias Little, I learned about right speech. In order for any word to pass through these lips, they must now pass through 3 gates. Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? This is very helpful, but a process nonetheless. I find myself countless times a day failing in this area. Getting back up on the horse, I persevere and pray that I will establish self control of the tongue.<br /><br /> Many times, it is not what I say, but how it is said, that causes the greatest offense. I was raised in a large family, and sarcasm then, was a survival skill. It no longer serves me, so like an old scarf; I choose to throw it away. My goal for my speech is only that which is true, kind and necessary, positive and helpful in building others up. <br />Great courage and strength are required on this journey. My voice which was broken is healed, but I feel as though I am on wobbly legs, moving forward. Practice is the best trick. If I can speak the truth with integrity, starting with the little things, it will transfer to the bigger more challenging issues that arise. Imagine a world in which every individual spoke the truth from a place of love. <br />In yoga, one of the yamas or moral restraints is ahimsa which translates – do no harm. This is quite a challenging ideal to live up to because our thoughts, words, and deeds have affects that ripple out beyond our limited awareness. My 13 year old son challenges me in this area countless times a day. After meditating and coming to a place of absolute peace and calm. I only need spend 10 minutes in the fire of his presence before I am re-acting and speaking from a place of hurt, frustration, and anger. After he walks out the door, I realize what I should have said and not said and how my tone was hurtful or condescending. We are called to be the light of the world regardless of how the people around us are behaving. My prayer, like that of St. Francis is, Lord, make me a channel of Your peace.<br /><br /> Martin Luther King Jr., in his 1958 “Experiment in Love” speech spoke these profound words : “It may well be that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition is not the glaring noisiness of the so-called bad people, but the appalling silence of the so-called good people.” Today, don’t miss an opportunity to lift up your voice for the good of all mankind. Say sorry, pass on a kind word, or confront injustice. Speak your truth with love courageously!yoga Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01704062169451503792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5997840937313411180.post-30437518223744672242011-04-28T13:56:00.000-07:002011-04-28T14:12:21.663-07:00SOARLet the story be free<br /> Like a butterfly or flee<br /> Flitting and fluttering<br /> Springing forth<br />The world needs your story<br /> Your prana…life force<br /> Unique blend<br />Especially you<br />No one else in the world<br /> Does just what you do<br />Your sparkle and shine<br /> Is like none before<br />Don’t be afraid<br /> Open the door<br /> Crash through the floor<br /> The ceiling, the window if you dare<br />Just do it, friend,<br /> There’s no time to spare<br /> The adventure’s begun<br /> You life’s come undone<br /> Surrender…<br /> bask in the flow<br /> Let go…<br /> Believe<br /> Your dream!<br /> <br /> …to fly<br /> …to teach<br /> …to travel<br /> …to pray<br /> Just do it today!<br /><br /> Imagine a world where you can be you<br /> …and happy and free and true<br /><br /> Like a poem, a story…<br /> Your life<br /> And mine<br /> Divine and uniquely designed <br /> …intertwined<br /> Patchwork quilt <br /> Kaleidoscope<br /> Broken bits reflect great light<br /> Beauty, brilliance, fire!yoga Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01704062169451503792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5997840937313411180.post-72364265909286789092011-04-20T19:54:00.000-07:002011-04-20T19:57:08.847-07:00ContentWhen the pebble hits the water, the ripples come<br /> Small and growing<br />Echoing…<br />All around<br />This is how the peace enters in…<br />Like a balloon, it “POPS!” the confusion<br />Illusion…<br />Entangles<br />Suffocates<br />Then, like the break of dawn…<br />It arrives!<br />Divinity riding on the breath<br />On a long board…<br />Dreads flappin in the breeze<br />Just the distraction…<br />Pulling me away from the mind made prison<br />Coaxing me, lulling me, drawing me in to this…<br />Perfect<br />Place and space<br />“BE HERE NOW!” <br />It whispers…<br />Echoes…<br />Echoes…<br />Echoes…<br />Deep breath in…slipping<br />Long breath out…surrendering<br />In the light…<br />Out control<br />Let go!<br />Remote control<br />Held…holding<br />Praying<br />Knowing<br />Here…now<br />Surrounded…supported<br />Growing…glowing<br />Unfolding<br />Comforted…in the eyes of a child<br />Warm embrace…heavenly spaceyoga Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01704062169451503792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5997840937313411180.post-89240552194466137872010-11-30T20:56:00.000-08:002010-12-16T19:55:02.172-08:00GrowthI can still remember the day I stepped over the crippling fear of teaching yoga. Afraid of failing, of not measuring up, of not delivering a good enough class, of someone getting hurt, and on and on. While on a yoga retreat in Mexico with my mentor, Gabriel Halpern, we participated in a ritual where we walked some distance with a stone in our sandal. At the end of the journey, we were asked what stumbling stone we were carrying....mine was fear. I buried it in the sand and left it in Mexico. I wish it were that easy. Debilitating fear continued to press in on me like the black cloud of doom. Then one morning, several months later, in a journal exercise, I truly stepped out of this self made prison. Not quite sure what triggered and broke free, but the fear was gone. In its place was excitement and joy. For a long time after that day, the fear lurked and pressed, but it no longer had power over me. I continued to grow as a teacher regardless of the self doubt. With each class, the fear continues to fade farther and farther away.<br /><br />There is still a tendency to cling on to the comfortable. The opposite of this tendency is called aparigraha, or non-grasping, in yoga. At the completion of my 200hr. teacher training, I asked my teacher, Rolf Gates, about a dilemma I was having. This same topic challenged me for too long. He remembered my asking a similar question several months prior. "As long as you cling, you will suffer" were his wise words. His response gave me the courage to let go of the comfortable and to take a risk...leaping out into the unknown with hopeful anticipation of growing into the teacher God created me to be. I am still trying to figure it out. There are so many things and aspects about the practice that I want to share with the world that it often overwhelms me. I am daily sitting and praying for guidance and wisdom as I courageously step out in faith....day by day into unknown and uncharted territory. Delighted to find that I am held and supported in a community of believers.<br /><br />Yesterday, my dear friend, Martha, shared a quote by Douglas Steere that has settled into my bones and caused me to ponder. "There comes a time when the smorgasbord is over and you feel the noose of God tightening around your capacities while you are being drawn into the joyous agony of co-creation with God." It brings such comfort to know I am held tightly as in a vise or noose, so that I will not wander as I am so prone to do, from the path God has created for me. The joy and wonder and hopeful anticipation that this idea whispers into my soul is almost unbearable. Could an all powerful omnipotent creator care to have me as a partner? It seems preposterous and delightful. As I grow into this next chapter, preparing for my youngest to start full day kindergarten in less than a year, I surrender myself and the work of these hands to God. Each day re-committing to the path: "Not my will, but Thy will be done, Oh Lord!" May it ever be so!yoga Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01704062169451503792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5997840937313411180.post-83285866464600952432010-11-24T21:54:00.000-08:002010-11-24T22:36:31.101-08:00Somebody Has Got To Do Something About This!It's midnight and I may not ever be able to fall asleep again because of the images that I just saw from the documentary: "The Cove." This movie features Ric O'Barry (from Flipper)fighting for the rights of Kaijii, Japan, dolphins who are being slaughtered by the thousands. Because I am so sensitive, I almost didn't watch it, but I am glad that I did. There is a website : savejapandolphins.org where you can learn more about the situation and find out how you can help. Please take a moment to help! Standing in truth and integrity makes the world a better place. Turning a blind eye to injustice, prolongs unnecessary suffering. Thank you for taking the time to courageously face this disturbing reality that needs your attention. This is just one of millions of causes and injustices that can bring you to tears. <br /> <br /> Dolphins are pure beams of light. They have extremely high intelligence and are worthy of much respect. We as a human race have degraded and threateded them in ways that may be irreversible. I know I should do loads more research before I go on this rant, but I am just too fired up. On my bucket list was to swim with the dolphins. For as long as I can remember, I have felt such a strong spiritual connection to these enlightened animals. After finding out that those huge smiles upon their face are not a true indication of how they are feeling, it can never be done. <br /> <br /> Ric O'Barry illustrates Dharma or fulfilling one's life's purpose in such a beautiful way. He is on a mission and will not be stopped. I am so thankful for the passion that he represents for a cause that is so close to my heart. Rainer Maria Rilke explains this concept beautifully: "Dig into yourself for a deep answer. If this answer rings out in assent, if you meet this solomn question with a strong, simple, "I must", then build your life in accordance with this necessity; your whole life, even down to its humblest and most indifferent hour, must become a sign and witness to this impulse." What is it that tugs at your heart and begs for your help? For me, it is definately children, but I think on a deeper level it is any victim who is being mistreated... the underdog. Injustice of every color can be stopped if people will begin to awaken to the stories and the suffering around them. We can all do something to make a change.yoga Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01704062169451503792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5997840937313411180.post-80344300534238421602010-11-23T11:24:00.000-08:002010-11-23T11:57:00.436-08:00Gratitude"If the only prayer you say in your whole life is "THANK YOU," that would suffice." Meister Eckart<br /><br />A thankful heart is the secret to true joy and abundance. This first became evident to me when I was in college and lost (in more ways than one!) I drove down an unfamiliar road as fear and anxiety crept in and began to take over. In a moment, everything changed. This was the first chapter of real spiritual awakening. A still small voice inside shook through the darkness and it spoke, "give thanks!" Tentatively, I responded. Shifting my thoughts from fear and uncertainty to love and thanksgiving has made all the difference. In that moment, I offered up a prayer: Lord, please show me the way! Then I proceeded to note all that I had to be thankful for. It began with the people closest to me and rippled out to nature and basic necessities and abilities that most people take for granted. This exercise was so powerful! Before long, I was back on track and arrived at the final destination on time with a jubilant spirit. Your thoughts create your reality, and in this instance, by the power of thanksgiving, my heart was forever changed! <br /><br />During this week of thanksgiving, take some time to count your blessings. There is so much on this incredible earth to be thankful for. Every breath you take is a gift...stop and notice! Every person you encounter is a reminder of the interconnectedness of all beings. It is so easy to meander through life half awake and miss so many opportunities to connect and respond to a world in need. Once you realize how much you have, it is safe and liberating to loosen your grip and give freely to others who are not as fortunate. This does not have to be a monetary gift. You can make the world a better place by giving a smile, respect, clothes that no longer serve you, or your precious time and attention to people in need. Take a challenge to grow. Begin within by connecting to your breath and shift your perspective to the abundance that surrounds you. Open your eyes and hearts to see where in your world can you serve or give back for the abundance that you have been given.<br /><br />"Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world all at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach."-Clarissa Pinkola Estes PhDyoga Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01704062169451503792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5997840937313411180.post-2195503742182056372010-11-07T17:40:00.000-08:002010-11-07T18:32:16.630-08:00HidingReady or not, here I come! I have neglected the blog for many months. It feels great to return to an empty canvas of unlimited possibilities. Originally I planned on writing every other week and when the chaos at home spun into high geer I let it fall by the wayside. Like an old forgotten friend I return. Here I re-evaluate...why have I come? It is a pathway to Spirit. When I write, I draw closer to God. It is an invitation to the pulse within me. I lost focus and began to write for the wrong reasons and then it became one more thing that I couldn't keep up with, like the laundry. May the precious gift of writing never again be lumped together with the laundry...that which I have a strong aversion to. <br /><br /> Much can be gleened from the periods of hiding if you have the courage to walk through the darkness. Fear is the dragon at my heel who wants to keep me small and stuck in the goo. It has called my name and seduced me into a smallness dance repeatedly. Every time I gain wisdom, and step into my power, I bid the fear goodbye. Inevitably, it returns when I am least suspecting. My teacher says, "what you resist persists" this is an invitation to embrace that which is. To stand face to face with the undesirable parts is a challenge and a gift, because once you stand up to fear or whatever your shadow may be, it loses power and you gain the power and strength to learn from it. <br /><br /> In yoga, one of the 5 afflictions, or reasons people suffer is called dvesa or aversion. As long as our energy is caught up pushing things away (like fear or laundry) we are unable to be fully present for the precious gift and wonder of this moment. So in pushing away the blog, I have suffered, because it truly is a healthy place to grow and bring to light that which is.yoga Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01704062169451503792noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5997840937313411180.post-51377711899594119512010-02-27T19:34:00.000-08:002010-03-10T19:19:38.062-08:00Go With The FlowSometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't. Lately I have definately felt like a nut. When feeling out of balance, I don't want to do anything that I should or ought to do. I want to eat chocolate and sleep! Although yoga has helped keep me in balance, I still crumble into a heap at times & just can't pick myself up. These are the times when it is so hard to write and every time I do, my critic convinces me that it's crap so I hit delete and grab another bit of chocolate.<br /><br /> In funks like these the tendancy is to beat myself up. This prolongs the funk until something external finally breaks me out of it. This time it was a bright sunshiny spring like day.<br /><br /> The real reason we all suffer is called avidya or spiritual ignorance. We mistake the false self for the real, and step out of the flow of grace. Getting caught up in the head about this or that we fail to be present. It all comes down to a choice...to live from the inside out or the outside in? <br /><br /> It takes courage to commit to the path of spiritual growth. We must be willing to accept grace. It is one thing to give and quite another to humble yourself to receive this beautiful gift. A gift which whispers "you are enough" and "be here now." It is the voice of truth. <br /><br /> Going with the flow is knowing when to push and when to sit back and enjoy the ride or simetimes burrow. Listening inwardly you will know what each moment requires of you. After weeks of the funk in my trunk I am happy to be back in the flow of grace...finally able to hit the mat and the page with courage. It is stepping beyond mere survival into that which we are meant to be. Knowing all this, I will attest to the importance of accepting the crippling goo as part of the journey. As well as being gentle with your self in the process. <br /><br /> "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:13-14yoga Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01704062169451503792noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5997840937313411180.post-21393731950765972572010-02-09T04:56:00.000-08:002010-02-10T22:08:45.061-08:00Shine Out"There is a force within which gives you life - seek that.<br /><br /> In your body lies a priceless gem - seek that.<br /> <br /> Oh wandering soul, if you want to find the greatest treasure don't look outside,<br /><br /> look inside - seek that."<br /> <br /> -Rumi <br /><br /> It is human nature to serve others. If someone is hurt the natural tendancy is to help. This was made evident as the whole world scrambled to help those suffering in Heiti. In serving others, it is easy to get burned out and miss the joy. To give joyfully, it is important to first fill the reserves. When you sit in stillness you connect to source and recognize truth and abundence. From this place, grace may flow through you into the lives of those in need.<br /><br /> In yoga, we were taught muscular integration. This is when you recruit muscular energy by drawing into a central focal point in the body (i.e.solar plexus). From this place of power you shine that energy back out to fuel the pose. It works magic and suddenly you are able to relax into the poses almost effortlessly. This, like all of life, is about stepping into the flow of grace. So many times we swim upstream, gasping and flailing, wondering why we can't catch a break. We choose to live life from a place of poverty consciousness. Then one day, we awaken to the fact that maybe there is a better way. <br /><br /> When describing the practice of meditation, my teacher, Rolf Gates, said "It is doing the one thing that takes care of the 100 things." So as we voraciously attack the to do list, we get to the bottom only to find that the list has multiplied and there will always be more to do. This leaves a feeling of frustration and discontent. It robs you of your peace and leaves you striving even more diligently to get it all done. <br /><br /> Thomas Kelly says "Life from the center is one of unhurried peace and power." This is where I would love to come from, but the work is hard and persistant. As the demands of life ebb and flow I am quick to fall off the mat and the cushion putting my spiritual practice on the back burner. This is when I suffer. Instead, commit to the practice and live life from the center. You will be glad you did.yoga Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01704062169451503792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5997840937313411180.post-36957007916799989332010-02-02T04:22:00.000-08:002010-02-02T06:43:56.220-08:00Love is..."Love is patient,<br />Love is kind.<br />It does not envy, <br />it does not boast,<br />it is not proud. <br />It is not rude, <br />it is not self-seeking, <br />it is not easily angered, <br />it keeps no record of wrongs. <br />Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. <br />It always protects, <br />always trusts, <br />always hopes, <br />always perseveres. <br />Love never fails..." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 <br /><br /> This definition of love, found in the Bible is read at many weddings including my own. When things are challenging between Kevin and I, I often refer back to this definition to assess where I may be falling short and how I may be able to love more completely. It is the ultimate challenge, but one worth fighting for. It is easy to pinpoint where your spouse or loved one is failing to meet your needs, but that doesn't usually help to change the problem. We can only change ourselves and when we love in this way and without conditions the problems melt away. <br /><br /> In yoga, we demonstrate love by observing the first two limbs of the practice which include the yamas (moral restraints), and niyamas (observances). These include: nonharming, honesty, nonstealing, moderation, nonhoarding, purity, contentment, zeal, self-awareness, and surrender. These provide a safe parameter in which to live and love in this world. In his book, <em>Meditations from the Mat</em>, Rolf Gates writes, "Love is being who we are born to be. Love is being who we are. The aim of yoga is to become still, to learn to reside in our truth. When we are surrendering to God, we are surrendering to the truth in us and the truth in all beings" <br /><br /> The first step to loving others is loving yourself. This is tied in with the first yama which is ahimsa or nonharming. It is easy to love your friends,but we must also learn to love ourselves in this same way. Since childhood, I was taught "Love your neighbor as your self." I thought I understood until a year ago when my friend explained that we are to love ourselves as we love our dearest friends. I am sure that you have a long record or internal dialog of every mistake you have made since birth. It is easy to become angry when you mess up...yet again. We can extend grace to our fellows, but won't allow ourselves to receive it. When you fail to love yourself, as God's finest creation, you are harming yourself and contributing to the worlds great suffering. <br /><br /> Love is a verb. Today, put in practice the love of self by doing something nice for you. There was a quote hanging in my first classroom which read, "When each person in the world takes better care of themselves, every person will feel better taken care of, and then we may finally begin to take better care of one another." It starts with you! Be patient, kind, forgiving and hopeful that today is the day when you realize that you are perfect and whole...a work in progress, formed in the very likeness of God. This is the truth of who you are. You are a reflection of God, and "God is Love." (1John4:8)yoga Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01704062169451503792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5997840937313411180.post-57641652690055396602010-01-22T07:34:00.000-08:002010-01-22T09:17:43.645-08:00To Be<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjo2FPRA8ocBB8X21sNJNIXJF934voMwdVHGxmHTOypw1t65IGsjo9TUAl6Mt3N_iWD04eGhDrJ-6GRH0C0PT9gupeYgcZnHyAePnZuXDK4jZtO-FDA8REXlgp4YwF8iBYFAGNbrUouKlqv/s1600-h/toby.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 150px; height: 113px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjo2FPRA8ocBB8X21sNJNIXJF934voMwdVHGxmHTOypw1t65IGsjo9TUAl6Mt3N_iWD04eGhDrJ-6GRH0C0PT9gupeYgcZnHyAePnZuXDK4jZtO-FDA8REXlgp4YwF8iBYFAGNbrUouKlqv/s320/toby.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5429614455320337394" /></a><br />To be fully present...this is a gift!<br /><br />My dear friend and fellow writer, Meg, inspired this blog entry with the following quote:)<br />"Sometimes we stare so long at a door that is closing that we see too late the one that is open." <a href="http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/a/alexanderg389638.html" target="_blank" rel="nofollow">Alexander Graham Bell</a><br /><br />This week, because I was willing to stay present and take a huge risk, we welcomed a new member into our family. Toby is a nine week old yellow lab. <br /><br />Since Happy died, there has been a gaping hole and the inevitable reality that we are a dog family and at some point we would need to get back on the horse and risk to love again. My vote was wait til spring (at least!) Kevin and Jeremy went on line immediately to find the next dog. Ian said he never wanted a dog again because it hurts too much to lose him. Ellie wanted a new dog for her birthday (summer). And Rachel wanted a cat...go figure!<br /><br />One week after we broke the horrible news to the kids, we had a shelter dog, Trenton, in the living room with the potential of staying with us for foster care and possible adoption. This is something that Kevin arranged and came as a huge surprise to me. This 70 lb. lab/husky mix has been in a cage his whole life and in the course of a one hour visit he demonstrated the many facets of his personality, including: playful, timid, and wild. After he knocked Ellie face down into the snow for the second time, we all agreed that this might not be the best dog for our family.<br /><br />Two weeks later, Kevin asked in the sweetest and most beautiful voice, "Can I have a puppy for my birthday?" He was lying in bed and unable to sleep due to a broken heart. "Of course!" was the only response. How do you say no to the man of the house? <br /><br />His birthday is a month away, so I decided to do a preliminary search to see what was out there. He really wanted another lab, so I began looking for lab rescues and ended up on a web sight similar to craig's list. There was a post for 3 lab pups right here in Fox River Grove. I decided to go take a peek. The house was one block away & inside there were the most adorable black, chocolate and yellow labs I had ever seen. The yellow lab was definitely the pick of the litter. Although when I met him, he was too shy to say hello, I knew he was a gift from above. When Kevin came home from work, I said why don't you walk around the block & meet the pups. We brought the puppy home later that night.<br /><br />Who would have thought you could love and welcome another into your heart while the wound of the loss is still so fresh and deep? As I stood staring at the closed door, remembering the good old days, Kevin reminded me that there is no perfect time to jump. You just have to leap and trust that the net will appear. We follow our hearts and trust that they will not fail us. As I dove face first into the next open door there was no doubt that this was the place to be. <br /><br />His name is Toby. Ellie chose the name...after her first love in her Kindergarten class. We all agreed that this was the right name for our little angel. I wanted to call him Tejas...meaning light. But the more I reflect on his name, the more I realize its symbolism... Toby - to be. To be fully present. Isn't this the biggest lesson the dog brings? They are absolutely enveloped in each moment... ever leading the way to peace. <br /><br />Dog is God spelled backward and this is no mistake. I believe this warmth and bliss called puppy is one of the many faces and reflections of the love of God. His love, pure and true, is reassurance that we must move on. We must run, dive, leap, crawl, and do whatever we have to do to catch that next open door before it is too late. Coulda shoulda woulda will get you nowhere! The time is now, the place is here, and you are the one that gets to be fully present to enjoy the miraculous moment. The love that spun you into existence is still right here with you every step of the way, every moment of the day. Why don't you tune in your senses, and open your heart to receive the abundance of the universe?yoga Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01704062169451503792noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5997840937313411180.post-5041490763511442642010-01-14T06:26:00.000-08:002010-01-14T12:40:25.436-08:00Let it Ripple"Reach out your hand, if your cup be empty.<br /><br /><br />If your cup is full, may it be again.<br /><br /><br />Let it be known...<br /><br /><br />there is a fountain, that was not made by the hands of men.<br /><br /><br />There is a road...<br /><br /><br />no simple highway, between the dawn and the dark of night.<br /><br /><br />And if you go, no one may follow.<br /><br /><br />That path is for your steps alone.<br /><br /><br />Ripple in still water...<br /><br /><br />When there is no pebble tossed, nor wind to blow.<br /><br /><br />You who choose to lead, must follow...<br /><br /><br />but if you fall, you fall alone.<br /><br /><br />And if you stand, then who's to guide you?<br /><br /><br />If I knew the way, I would take you home."<br />Lyrics from the song <em>Ripple</em> by The Grateful Dead<br /><br /><br />That song stirs up memories of a time in life when I was lost and searching, connected, yet so alone. I was scared, yet bold enough to explore new paths and begin to find out who I was. This was the beginning of the journey toward the truth of who I am. While on this path, there have been many wrong turns, pitfalls, and lessons learned. The beauty of the path, is that it is always there. Though you may wander, and choose the path of suffering, the true path to liberation and freedom remain unmoving.<br /><br />In yoga, this path is called your Dharma or life's purpose. Each person has a unique path that only he or she can fulfill. Once you step onto this path, "the universe conspires to make it happen." (from the book, <em>The Alchemist, </em>by Paulo Coelho) The good news is if you are truly on the right path you are supported and guided from within. Your intuition will guide you once you learn to tap in and to hear that still small voice inside. The art of listening must be cultivated through practice and perseverance. How do you discern which voice is the voice of truth or if you are going insane to be hearing voices? This is an excellent question. For me this has come through the process of getting to know He who calls my name. The voice of Spirit is a voice I have come to know and love through years of prayer and searching. It is through a leap of faith and trusting that there is a Creator of this amazing universe who knows me and loves me and cares about the intimate details of my life. When I cry out, He is there...right in the center of my soul.<br /><br />This place I call center is where we are to let it ripple from. If we let our surface or countless layers thereafter ripple into the world we are missing the point. The true gift we have to give is uniquely ours and comes only from the center.<br /><br />I have found that it goes both ways. Like the breath flowing in and out, so does this beauty and grace flow to and away from our center. In the <em>Tao Te Ching </em>it is written, that "The only true movement is return." So once we learn to tap into this sacred fountain that was not made by the hands of men, it must be a continual journey to return to from where we have come. Rolf Gates writes, "The point of spiritual practice is to make us teachable, to open our hearts, and focus our awareness so that we can know what we know already and be who we already are...The heroe's journey is a journey inward."<br /><br />Living into your dharma is to leave your mark on this world. Doing this takes courage. Sometimes it is much easier to stay stuck than to deal with the growing pains of stepping into the truth of who you are. Although staying stuck is tricky and sticky it is somehow familiar and comforting. It is better to fly free than to be comfortable. The world needs you! The one of a kind, uniquely designed, wonderful, spectacular, YOU!<br /><br />How will you change the world? By living into your dharma or life's purpose you will inspire others to do the same. In doing so, fear and people and life will try to beat you down. The wind may whip at your face and the ice will slip up your feet, but then you need only remember that you are held in the mighty right hand of an omnipotent God. The one who formed you in your mother's womb and knows how many hairs are on your head has a plan for YOU! "A plan to prosper you and not to harm you, a plan to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11<br /><br />A wise friend named Martha once told me, "Courage is fear with feet." So today, I encourage you to put those stompin' shoes on your feet and let the truth of who you are ripple forth into a world in need. Have faith that you are not alone. Have wisdom to know when it is time to stop courageously dancing forward and when it is time to return...rest...recharge. Be humble enough to reach out your hand if your cup is empty and trust in the abundence of the universe to fill the cup to overflowing.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><em></em>yoga Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01704062169451503792noreply@blogger.com1