Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Beam

When I went on my Kairos retreat my senior year of High School, I received letters of affirmation from people who loved me. The one that made me sob then and still echoes into my soul are the words from my Beloved Mother. My nickname has always been Bean..Jean Bean...String Bean...Beaner Bop...and many other variations of this lovely gassy substance.

The part of my mom's letter that sunk in was when she wrote "I should've named you Beam instead of Bean because you shine so bright!" This truth that my mom planted in me before I had the courage to believe it or the self-love to receive it, echoes like a lullabye in my soul. It whispers "Girl, you shine!" when I feel like a failure. It sparkles deep within me and invites my soul to dance. To bask in the light that is so obviously there. To embrace what is. To accept Truth at face value. To receive and be set free. Why is it so hard to do?

Jesus states "You are the light of the world!" Who me? Yes YOU! His message is for YOU. In fact if YOU were the only person left on planet Earth, He would have come and died just for YOU! He loves YOU that much! Drink it in, bask in it...SHINE ON!

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Strength and Surrender

"Yoga is 50% strength and 50% surrender." Equal parts of each lead you to the sweet spot of "right effort." In the Yoga Sutras, Patanjali states "By the relaxation of effort in the pose, one merges with the infinite inside." All that we do on the mat with the postures is for a greater cause, that we may carry the practice into the world. During this posture or season of life of raising four children I have found many opportunities to practice surrendering to the middle ground of right effort. In times when everything in me shouts "push through" something deeper whispers "soften, feel, notice, surrender." This still small voice knows the way! I choose to surrender once again this morning.

It takes the practice and returning to this place called right effort again and again to change the patterns of behavior that make up who we are in the world. When we do or strive toward a goal which society praises we fall away from the deeply embedded truth of who we are, the infinite inside. And sometimes we must reach beyond our limits and fall flat on our faces before we even know where the edges lie. I used to get so frustrated with myself when I would overextend myself and fall out of balance. Instead, I am coming into a new season of grace and acceptance. Trusting an inner wisdom, that when things seem too chaotic, they are. So we draw back, turn inward, and breathe. Soften into the moment and know. Begin again! Just for today, in each moment can I find that place of right effort? It is a middle ground, a place where the pairs of opposites meet and do a sacred dance. The space between doing and yielding,action and rest, digging in and letting go. We experience this by committing ourselves to each moment and the daily tasks we are called to do. Can I commit for just today to be fully present for my children, and all the tasks that are required to keep my household in balance? Can I be present enough to lock eyes and connect to each person this day brings in my path? I will try! When I fall short, I will begin again. I like to end my yoga classes with a quote by a meditation teacher, Richard Miller: "In every moment we begin again, we accept and surrender. As we deepen our understanding and let our truth unfold, we pave the way for healing and transformation."

May it ever be so!

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