To Be

To be fully present...this is a gift!

My dear friend and fellow writer, Meg, inspired this blog entry with the following quote:)
"Sometimes we stare so long at a door that is closing that we see too late the one that is open." Alexander Graham Bell

This week, because I was willing to stay present and take a huge risk, we welcomed a new member into our family. Toby is a nine week old yellow lab.

Since Happy died, there has been a gaping hole and the inevitable reality that we are a dog family and at some point we would need to get back on the horse and risk to love again. My vote was wait til spring (at least!) Kevin and Jeremy went on line immediately to find the next dog. Ian said he never wanted a dog again because it hurts too much to lose him. Ellie wanted a new dog for her birthday (summer). And Rachel wanted a cat...go figure!

One week after we broke the horrible news to the kids, we had a shelter dog, Trenton, in the living room with the potential of staying with us for foster care and possible adoption. This is something that Kevin arranged and came as a huge surprise to me. This 70 lb. lab/husky mix has been in a cage his whole life and in the course of a one hour visit he demonstrated the many facets of his personality, including: playful, timid, and wild. After he knocked Ellie face down into the snow for the second time, we all agreed that this might not be the best dog for our family.

Two weeks later, Kevin asked in the sweetest and most beautiful voice, "Can I have a puppy for my birthday?" He was lying in bed and unable to sleep due to a broken heart. "Of course!" was the only response. How do you say no to the man of the house?

His birthday is a month away, so I decided to do a preliminary search to see what was out there. He really wanted another lab, so I began looking for lab rescues and ended up on a web sight similar to craig's list. There was a post for 3 lab pups right here in Fox River Grove. I decided to go take a peek. The house was one block away & inside there were the most adorable black, chocolate and yellow labs I had ever seen. The yellow lab was definitely the pick of the litter. Although when I met him, he was too shy to say hello, I knew he was a gift from above. When Kevin came home from work, I said why don't you walk around the block & meet the pups. We brought the puppy home later that night.

Who would have thought you could love and welcome another into your heart while the wound of the loss is still so fresh and deep? As I stood staring at the closed door, remembering the good old days, Kevin reminded me that there is no perfect time to jump. You just have to leap and trust that the net will appear. We follow our hearts and trust that they will not fail us. As I dove face first into the next open door there was no doubt that this was the place to be.

His name is Toby. Ellie chose the name...after her first love in her Kindergarten class. We all agreed that this was the right name for our little angel. I wanted to call him Tejas...meaning light. But the more I reflect on his name, the more I realize its symbolism... Toby - to be. To be fully present. Isn't this the biggest lesson the dog brings? They are absolutely enveloped in each moment... ever leading the way to peace.

Dog is God spelled backward and this is no mistake. I believe this warmth and bliss called puppy is one of the many faces and reflections of the love of God. His love, pure and true, is reassurance that we must move on. We must run, dive, leap, crawl, and do whatever we have to do to catch that next open door before it is too late. Coulda shoulda woulda will get you nowhere! The time is now, the place is here, and you are the one that gets to be fully present to enjoy the miraculous moment. The love that spun you into existence is still right here with you every step of the way, every moment of the day. Why don't you tune in your senses, and open your heart to receive the abundance of the universe?

Let it Ripple

"Reach out your hand, if your cup be empty.


If your cup is full, may it be again.


Let it be known...


there is a fountain, that was not made by the hands of men.


There is a road...


no simple highway, between the dawn and the dark of night.


And if you go, no one may follow.


That path is for your steps alone.


Ripple in still water...


When there is no pebble tossed, nor wind to blow.


You who choose to lead, must follow...


but if you fall, you fall alone.


And if you stand, then who's to guide you?


If I knew the way, I would take you home."
Lyrics from the song Ripple by The Grateful Dead


That song stirs up memories of a time in life when I was lost and searching, connected, yet so alone. I was scared, yet bold enough to explore new paths and begin to find out who I was. This was the beginning of the journey toward the truth of who I am. While on this path, there have been many wrong turns, pitfalls, and lessons learned. The beauty of the path, is that it is always there. Though you may wander, and choose the path of suffering, the true path to liberation and freedom remain unmoving.

In yoga, this path is called your Dharma or life's purpose. Each person has a unique path that only he or she can fulfill. Once you step onto this path, "the universe conspires to make it happen." (from the book, The Alchemist, by Paulo Coelho) The good news is if you are truly on the right path you are supported and guided from within. Your intuition will guide you once you learn to tap in and to hear that still small voice inside. The art of listening must be cultivated through practice and perseverance. How do you discern which voice is the voice of truth or if you are going insane to be hearing voices? This is an excellent question. For me this has come through the process of getting to know He who calls my name. The voice of Spirit is a voice I have come to know and love through years of prayer and searching. It is through a leap of faith and trusting that there is a Creator of this amazing universe who knows me and loves me and cares about the intimate details of my life. When I cry out, He is there...right in the center of my soul.

This place I call center is where we are to let it ripple from. If we let our surface or countless layers thereafter ripple into the world we are missing the point. The true gift we have to give is uniquely ours and comes only from the center.

I have found that it goes both ways. Like the breath flowing in and out, so does this beauty and grace flow to and away from our center. In the Tao Te Ching it is written, that "The only true movement is return." So once we learn to tap into this sacred fountain that was not made by the hands of men, it must be a continual journey to return to from where we have come. Rolf Gates writes, "The point of spiritual practice is to make us teachable, to open our hearts, and focus our awareness so that we can know what we know already and be who we already are...The heroe's journey is a journey inward."

Living into your dharma is to leave your mark on this world. Doing this takes courage. Sometimes it is much easier to stay stuck than to deal with the growing pains of stepping into the truth of who you are. Although staying stuck is tricky and sticky it is somehow familiar and comforting. It is better to fly free than to be comfortable. The world needs you! The one of a kind, uniquely designed, wonderful, spectacular, YOU!

How will you change the world? By living into your dharma or life's purpose you will inspire others to do the same. In doing so, fear and people and life will try to beat you down. The wind may whip at your face and the ice will slip up your feet, but then you need only remember that you are held in the mighty right hand of an omnipotent God. The one who formed you in your mother's womb and knows how many hairs are on your head has a plan for YOU! "A plan to prosper you and not to harm you, a plan to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

A wise friend named Martha once told me, "Courage is fear with feet." So today, I encourage you to put those stompin' shoes on your feet and let the truth of who you are ripple forth into a world in need. Have faith that you are not alone. Have wisdom to know when it is time to stop courageously dancing forward and when it is time to return...rest...recharge. Be humble enough to reach out your hand if your cup is empty and trust in the abundence of the universe to fill the cup to overflowing.

Embracing the Darkness

Stepping out of the darkness and into the light has been my focus. Yesterday at yoga class, the teacher emphasized the importance of the darkness. If it weren't for the darkness you couldn't appreciate or even recognize the light. One of the most beautiful sunsets I have experienced appeared amidst the most dark and luminous storm clouds. It is the dark that accentuates the light.

Learning to accept and embrace my shadow or my dark side continues to be a process. It is so much easier to put on my smiley face, stuff the "junk" in the closet and pretend it doesn't exist. There is power when the two exist as one. When you can sit with the unpleasant as well as the pleasant you are freed from the shadow's disabling grip.

Look your shadow in the face and identify it. One of the aspects of the dark monkey who lives on my back is fear. Try as I do to shake it loose it has a stronghold on me. When I am weak it whispers... "you can't, you won't, don't bother trying." When I am strong it shouts and shakes its fist at me. Through the process of bending toward the light and embracing the darkness, fear is not as daunting as it once was. Now, when I feel the dread and self-doubt that tries to pin my down, I stop and acknowledge it. Oh hello, fear, it's you again. I accept it for what it is... an old way that no longer serves me. As long as I choose not to wrestle with it. It leaves me alone to continue on my spiritual path. Marian Williamson wrote, "The spiritual journey is the relinquishing or unlearning of fear and the acceptance of love back into our hearts."

When the darkness comes, it is my tendency to curl up in a ball and shield my heart and soul, protecting myself under a hard shell until the storm passes. After the recent loss of our Happy dog, I tried something new. I intentionally tried to stay open to the teaching of the loss. With arms wide open...I accepted the loss. Breathing in to the vast space of pain and suffering I opened my heart and received grace.

Grace has many faces. The face of a dear friend with sparkling blue eyes welling up with tears whispering I feel your pain, I am sorry for your loss...you are understood. "A thousand blessings" brownies baked and delivered with hugs. The faces of your children who grieve so openly and whole heartedly. The face of God found in a community of believers which picks you up and tells you you are not alone. The smiley face balloon...a reminder that Happy lives on. The tracks in the snow that remind you of the joyous life that was lived.

Life goes on and so must we. As we go on bending toward the light choose to embrace and appreciate the darkness.